Demons and angels rest on my cross,
My soul dragged through the dirt of my mistakes,
My vulnerability paraded to the so called saints,
Hypocrites hiding behind the masks of written words,
To which they proclaim as ultimate guide of their holiness.
I have slaughtered myself over and again,
On the altars of their empty minds,
Offered my flesh as the ultimate sacrifice,
I have laid my body in their beds made of worthless papers.
I forgot my name,
I forgot my identity,
When I lend my ears to their worthless opinions,
I bathed naked deep into the mud pools of their ignorance,
I basked in the burning sun of their rejection,
Until I learned laughter makes slaughter truly complete.
I am not a villain,
I am a trite, a common-place sinner,
Living in all poor petty dissipation’s,
With which even the rich and worthless try to put on in life,
I verily believe is rather to my circumstances
Than to my nature I am bent,
I like to lay blames on my ill fortune and bad circumstances,
When fate wronged me
I look for wisdom to remain cool
Thou it always managed to leave me in desperation
Feeling more worse
All these temptations I give in to make me a common place sinner
I listen to the preacher, “Repentance is the only cure,
Reformation is the best medicine”
I could reform but not today I have no strength so I let him preach
How can I waste time thinking of what he is saying?
I am hampered, burdened, cursed as I am
Besides happiness irrevocably denied me
But I do have the right to get pleasure out of this life,
And I will (cost what I must) sweet pleasure
I have done many mistakes
Errors that have brought remorse,
And poisoned my very existence,
Many a time I regretted my own imperfection,
I am human and fallible
The human and fallible
Should not make rules which only the divine
And perfect alone can be safely entrusted
So you all can excuse me for all my sins
All because I am brave enough to admit my faults
what about you?
My joy not shared died young.
Right before puberty,
Right before I could find a friend,
Who could reach into my veins,
And heat up the ice cubes of pain, anger and rejection
Now I am alone here in my own mind.
There is no map
and there is no road
Right before I offered my breasts to my newborn happiness, I stabbed it.
Now I am creating a new path
Marked by my footprints of loneliness,
My struggles between to,
Live or die,
Right before I poison everything.